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roniliquidity
I like to comment more than I post. When things are going really well, I'm too busy to post, when things are going moderately poorly, I don'T really want to talk about it, and in between I feel guilty for being inconsistent.

I like to read what's going on with with people, I may miss a post or two but check LJ almost every day. I have been lured away by Facebook because it's easier to use and it doesn't allow me to go on big long posting sprees. I just need to learn not to try to have discussions on FB. Something about it seems to breed the twin notions on nothing you post means anything...but it's totally reasonable to get upset about something another person posts. It's not a format that seems tolerant to disagreement or debate.

So hey, maybe since no one else wants to hear my opinions, I'll just keep them here.

Dear FB former friend: The New World Order is not coming to take your property and your as yet unborn children. Schools are not failing because the last 4 presidents have all drank the Kool-aid to promote a socialist agenda. I'm sorry my skepticism means we can't be friends anymore.

Dear world: I regret asking about position X. I didn't realize when you focused heavily on one side of a discussion you were really only interested in the validity of that one side.

I need to stop pouting and get back to work now, or at least pout and work, but follow this space for more possibly volatile posting in the future.

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And now a request: today I made an offhand comment about GLBTQ as an acronym. I said i thought the Q was pretty unimportant, especially since it seems that most organizations can't even agree on whether it stands for Queer or Questioning.

Someone emailed me and said it was really hurtful. I'm not sure I see why. I explained my side to her, but I'd like to hear you explain why it was hurtful. You are really much better at seeing the downside of most of my opinions than i am and if it's a legit argument, then i'd like to be able to apologize (but the person that wrote me was not, IMO, very good at explaining herself).

I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or apologize?

In my experience, Q is kind of a funny thing. It's the catch all umbrella. Gay trans man? Sometimes Queer is just easier. Bisexual in a het relationship? If you say queer you have to justify yourself less. Are you a het cis individual who behaves in an gender non-conforming way? Q still gets you invited to the party. A lot of people identify as Queer or Questioning when they don't feel like they neatly fit into one of the previous categories. So, if you're friend identifies as Q rather than GBLT, she might have felt like you were marginalizing her or erasing her. This is just my best guess though, obviously not being her.

If you want to ask her further, it might help to make sure you're apologizing for hurting her not if you hurt her, since you know you did, and focusing on knowing why she's hurt. It's really off-putting in a social justice context to feel like someone needs you to justify why you were hurt so they can decide if you're allowed to be. And regardless if you agree with it, it sounds like you made her sad when you didn't mean to.

There's no good solution to the alphabet soup of GLBTQI (you forgot Intersex). It's a cumbersome jumble but when it's about standing up to being marginalized, it's counter-productive to erase some identifiers for convenience's sake. I went to a marriage equality rally where the chanting was "We're here! We're GL(mumble mumble mumble mumble)! Get used to it!" It wasn't working at all.

Frankly, I think it should go the other way. Emphasize Queer as the non-conforming gender/orientation/everyone's included term and stick with it.

I'd be down with that. I guess it was that jumble that was my problem. I feel like every time we add a letter we just make the whole cause seem less serious, not more inclusive.

For myself, I would like to see it included more for the following reasons:

  • Bisexual is a term that can be applied to me and I have used (and sometimes still do, for convenience sake), but I feel uncomfortable with the binariness of it.

  • Pansexual is an alternative term but I feel uncomfortable with that one as well, because I don't feel sexual towards everyone (which is what I feel like it implies), I just don't feel like my attractions are confined to binaries.

  • My sexual identity is more than my sexual orientation. I have traits that are considered feminine and some that are considered masculine and some that are considered neither. While this is true for everyone, I believe, I feel that my transgressing gender norms is very much a lifestyle/orientation sort of thing for me. But it's not all about who I'm attracted to - it's also about how I see myself - femme, butch, etc

Queer feels more comfortable to me than either bisexual or pansexual because it encompasses not only my sexual orientation but my gender identity as well, and as such, I can understand feeling offended when someone says the Q is unimportant. Obviously I also don't regard it as standing for 'questioning' though I can see the value in that inclusion as well.

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